Life Interrupted, but Still Right Side Up

COVID19 has affected America, and the world in such a way none of us could have ever imagined. It has affected all of humanity. This is my son’s Senior year of High School. He is a Brilliant young man. Throughout his entire academic career, he has worked hard, to be the Honor student he is today.

But, like other Class of 2020 parents we are deeply saddened that our children may not have the opportunity to celebrate Graduation, Prom and other senior activities. Don’t get me wrong, I fully support the decision to cancel or postpone for the sake of Public Health & Safety. So, this is not a complaint.

Rather, I’m just pointing out how the recent events have stalled many plans and perceived growth opportunities. For instance, I can remember a relative saying to me that he felt he had picked a bad time to start getting his life together. Honestly, I could relate.

As the days progressed, so did the death tolls and infection rates.  A sense of worry and panic came over me. I spent my days visiting stores, and preparing to be shut in. And, as we began to adjust to our current circumstance what worried me most was the uncertainty of the days to come. My faith was being tested. Indeed, it has been tested.

From Love, Comes Rebuke!

I knew I needed to pray. I knew enough to know that I was being attacked by the spirit of fear and hopelessness. Therefore, as I prepared for bed. I began to pray. The Lord led me to the book of Amos. As I read, I felt both a sense of terror and calmness. Terror not based in fear, but of awe. An awe of the Almighty God, Creator of the Universe.

God is a good Father. And like any good parent, he will not just sit silently while his children continue down a road towards their own destruction. No, as any good parent would, he intervenes. He will fight for their deliverance. Even if that includes letting them suffer for a little while the consequences of their own actions. For whom he loves, he rebukes. (See Revelations 3:19).

The book of Amos details the reason God had allowed disaster to come upon the people of Israel, and their neighbors. Because of their inability to do right, he was going to send fire against their cities, and their strongholds. In other words, he was going to permit the destruction of everything they trusted in so dearly. Below is a snapshot of the reason’s God sent punishment on the land:

  • People shut up their compassion
  • People were betraying the sacredness of Brotherhood
  • People were mistreating their neighbors
  • People had rejected the Law of the Lord
  • People had Trampled the Heads of the Poor
  • People engaged in Sexual Sins
  • People had hindered/despised the Prophets of the LORD

As I read, I could see many similarities between the civilizations of antiquity and contemporary society. Actually, all of the wrath producing behaviors are in operation in the world today. Consequently, our markets, pleasure and vanity have been severely disrupted.

Yet, the Lord never left his people stranded without a way to be blessed. No, instead he gave them the key to heal themselves and the land. The same message he spoke over 2,000 years ago is the same message he is speaking to us today,

“Seek Me and Live.”

 His word to the believers, is to come out of Spiritual laziness. He never called us to be light within the four walls of the church, he has called us to be Light to the World! So, Shine! Seek God and Live.

All the sinners among my people who say: Disaster will never
overtake or confront us, will die by the sword. (Amos 9:10 Holman CSB)

His word to the world, is to Humble yourself and receive the gift of his son, because he loves you. He hates your pride. So, Repent! Seek God and Live.

I loathe Jacob’s pride and hate his citadels, so I will hand over the city and everything in it. (Amos 6:8 Holman CSB)

Edify, Exhort, Console

While COVID19 is of a serious nature, it is temporary. Just as it came, it will also go. Sadly, many lives will be forever transformed, after the loss of loved ones. And to those, I am praying for your comfort. May the God of Peace keep you and bless you. May you receive a double portion blessing in the name of Our Lord and Risen Savior Jesus Christ. You are not forsaken, nor defeated.

 After this season, many will emerge as Victorious. Many will be confirmed and established in the Faith. For you, I pray that from now until Jesus returns you continue to draw near to God, and that your hearts and conscience remain true. I pray that you promote love and good works while holding on to Jesus, the savior we profess. We are not of those who draw back and are destroyed, but we are of those who have faith and obtain life. (Hebrews 10).

I admit, I was upset with God at first, and I boldly confessed it to him. He already knew what was in my heart. I cried out to him, and he didn’t shun me away. He didn’t turn his face from me. Instead, he heard my cry for help, and saved me.  Rather, than kick me out of his graces, he held me tighter.

For all the good the Lord has done for me, how can I repay him? I will drink the cup of his salvation. Now, I know more than ever before, there is no need for me to be afraid. God is for me. He is for you too.

Across The Atlantic- Black History Tribute

Ocean wide, highest tide.
Tears cried, swept away by rain, increasing pain.
Swirled into the raging tempest, forever adjoined to the depths of the ocean floor.

Ocean beautiful, timeless free.
Conveyor of the great migration, Journey of desolation.
Currents the conduit of degradation, forever adjoined to the demise of a nation.

Ocean waves, rolling blue.
Screams of tortured souls, through your billows roll.
Calling loudly for the soil of the Ivory coast, forever adjoined to their eternal mourning.

Ocean bold, yet bounded.
Devastation once compounded, glory never confounded.
Power emblazoned, I stand in amazement.
Land of Ivory, and METAMORPHIC stone, still the place your people call home.
May our voices, to you never be unknown as we call to you from across the Atlantic.

Emotions: Friend or Foe?

“Emotions make you cry Sometimes” as sung by 90’s R & B Group, H-Town once said. Our emotions can sometimes take on a life of their own. Emotions are instinctive and intuitive feelings an individual possesses usually determined my one’s circumstances, mood or relationships with other people. Emotions were given to humans by God for the purpose of connecting with the world around us.  Unfortunately, unprincipled living and habitual disobedience to God causes our emotions to be out of control, unaligned from their original purposes.

Unaligned Emotions

For a long time, we’ve been told that Emotions are all bad, and you probably have been told to “Get out of your feelings” a time or two (I sure have). But, emotions in and of themselves are not the problem. Unaligned emotions are! 

Unaligned emotions are untrained and uncontrolled. Feelings that are not filtered by truth are deceptive and destructive. They are not only bad, but they are untrustworthy.

Christ was always meant to be the center of our emotions.  However, when we become unaligned, we will put ourselves at the center of our emotions. We make everything about ourselves. We become overly concerned about what we want, and how we want it, even if it causes detriment to others.  

Scripture teaches us “to walk by the Spirit and you will not carryout the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is against the Spirit, and the Spirit desires what is against the flesh; these are opposed to each other, so that you don’t do what you want.” See Galatians 5:16-17.

We Are Emotional Beings

We are creatures of feeling. Our feelings make us more empathetic. Sadly, many have discredited feelings and emotions altogether. Feelings have now become synonymous with weakness, when in fact healthy emotions are a sign of character strength. Truly, our emotions are a gift from God meant to be tools of enrichment. They also help us to connect with those who are hurting, as well as enable us to celebrate with those who are happy. Emotions are meant to be connectors. More importantly, emotions are meant to connect us to GOD, our Creator. Our emotions can either hinder or progress us in our worship of God.

 The more broken we are, the humbler we become. And, the humbler we are, the more grace we receive. God is always seeking those who are poor in spirit, and lowly of heart to do his will. The Spirit of God is more able to flow through us when we have a greater affection for him, and for people. After all, affection is a gentle feelingof fondness or liking according to the Oxford dictionary.

Have you ever noticed you will go out of your way to help the people you love, and care about? Don’t you love to see a smile on the face of someone you helped, who was in dire need of assistance. Well, it’s the same way when you have a genuine affection for Christ. You want him to delight in you, because you love him. You want to do things he asked of you, because you love him. Well, at least that’s how I FEEL about him.

Feelings are apart of the human experience, and when cultivated and expressed properly our love for our neighbors increase. It’s hard to intentionally harm someone you genuinely love, or at least it should be. I think we can all agree the world could use a lot more empathy. Love your neighbor as yourself.

Realigning Your Emotions

As stated earlier, emotions are a gift from GOD. We are absolutely supposed to be concerned about how our actions affect others. We all have a duty to cultivate our own emotional identities, so that we are more emotionally, and spiritually mature. We are to move from the elementary things of God, to the “meatier” matters of the Kingdom. I’m convinced God is annoyed every time someone uses “That’s just the way God made me” to excuse their bad behaviors. God requires that we pursue knowledge and gain understanding. He requires that we grow, and move from glory to glory, from strength to strength.

A key element in realigning your emotions is to become aware and versed in understanding what triggers certain emotions in you and developing a plan of action (as well as praying, prayer is fundamental). You should also know the works of the flesh, which include:

  • Sexual Immorality                    
  • Moral Impurity 
  • Promiscuity
  • Idolatry
  • Dissensions and Factions
  • Envy and Jealousy
  • Strife & Outbursts of Anger
  • Selfish Ambition
  • Drunkenness

If you find yourself engaging in the above continuously and recklessly, then these are good indicators, that your emotional health may be out of alignment. Personally, speaking I found that inner care, and therapy also helped to pinpoint the root causes of many of my destructive patterns.

All I know is we all were created to experience all the abundance life has to offer. But unaligned and stifled emotions block us from truly experiencing the goodness of Christ and keeps us from sharing in his riches.  These riches include:

  • Love
  • Joy
  • Peace
  • Patience
  • Kindness
  • Goodness
  • Faith
  • Gentleness

Emotions with Christ at the center produce Good Fruit! In his presence, there is Liberty, and Fullness of Joy!

“Emotions make you cry sometimes, and they’ll make you fall in love.” H-Town

Weekly StyleSpiration: My First Client

ChunkyCutieStyles exists to recommend and assist women in finding beautiful, modern, and trendy apparel accessories. I’m extremely delighted to aid other wonderful women in defining and refining their own personal style. So much of how we look is determined by how we feel. Our attitudes don’t just determine our altitudes, but they also determine our STYLE.

Meet Dionne Riley, my first client! Dionne is a dynamic Singer, and a good friend. So, I was delighted when she asked for my help in exploring and developing her own personal style. BTW, if you need a singer for your Wedding, or special event, she is an AWESOME Gospel Singer. She is truly gifted with an Angelic and melodic voice! Just Book her, and you will thank me later. For bookings, feel free to leave a comment 🙂 She is naturally beautiful, so she didn’t require much work. To overhaul her look, she elected to go for a Short and Sassy Cut. And, she prefers simple classic lines. Expect to see more of Ms. Dionne in the future as her style continues to progress in fun, bold and creative ways.

Sometimes, to remake your look, you can shop right in your own Closet! This look actually came from my own closet. Talk about bargain shopping at its best, right! This weeks style inspiration is from Lane Bryant. This Indigo Cut Out Sheath dress is about 3 years old. It was buried in the closet, and still had the original tags! This dress is about 3 years old, so you probably won’t find it in stores, but if you try places like Poshmark you may be pleasantly surprised.

You don’t always have to go to the stores, sometimes you can find treasures right in your own closet! So, get in front of your closet, and play dress up! Try, mixing and matching different pieces. See how many new looks you can create from your own hidden treasures. Keep it simple, or play with different patterns and textures. Just remember to be bold, be beautiful, be you!

For more fashion finds, and tips check out:

Photo Credits: Riley Bros Photography

“I Ain’t Mad at Cha”: Better to Forgive

I recently had an encounter with a former acquaintance. I wasn’t quite sure how the interaction would play out since we didn’t exactly end on the best of terms. I was pleasantly surprised because the meeting went better than expected! We talked about current events in our lives, we even discussed a few of the misunderstandings we had between us. As we chatted, I realized the fierce anger I once held in my heart towards this person had cooled.

When people wrong us, we naturally want justice. It’s in us to want people to pay for their misdeeds, we want them to hurt and suffer the same pain we believe they have inflicted upon us. Think of unforgiveness as a brick wall, and the longer we hold on to it we add another layer of brick to it day by day, year by year until are our hearts have become encapsulated by stones.

The truth is we are more like God when we forgive others. Also, harboring anger in our hearts towards another individual robs us of the creative energy, joy and peace that our Savior died for us to experience in our everyday lives.

Forgiveness is not the same as forgetting the offence, nor does it diminish the severity of the offence. Rather, forgiveness is acknowledging that we are fully aware that we too have fallen short of perfection, and it fully acknowledges that only God has the power to fully administer justice. Forgiveness may not always be easy, but it is ALWAYS necessary. More simply, we forgive because we ourselves have been forgiven.

Now, once an offence has been forgiven, it is our responsibility to set up proper boundaries and expectations by clearly articulating to others what behaviors we will and will not tolerate. After all Jesus said to his Disciples “Behold I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves” (Matthew 10:6 NIV). After extending the forgiveness we are commanded to be alert, prudent and astute in our judgement; we are to be careful to not carelessly offend others as well.

Prayer: Father, thank you for the love you have shown to us. For while we were still unworthy sinners you sent your only Begotten son to bear in his body the penalty of our sins. Jesus, we are so thankful that you bore the penalties of our sin in our place, so that we through you can stand in the presence of Our Holy Father fully forgiven. Holy Spirt, please reveal to me any hidden malice, or unforgiveness I may still have in my heart towards others. Help me to fully forgive them, just as you have fully forgiven me. Give me your love for them, teach me how to be more like you. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

With the aid of the Holy Spirit, list the names of the people you may have not fully forgiven.  Write a letter to God about each one. Tell God how they hurt you, and then think about how you have grown past the hurt. Afterwards, pray for them and then pray for yourself. For this exercise I want you to write them on separate sheets of paper as there will be no space given in this section. After you have written the letters and prayed over them, then destroy the letter. This will serve as a physical manifestation and demonstration of your ridding yourself of the offence. Do this as often as you need to.

Weekly StyleSpiration: SHEIN

The dress featured in this post is the Plus Surplice Wrap Belted Pleated Glitter Dress 3XL . This dress is available in various colors, and was purchased from SHEIN. Click the link above to see the original post model pic. But, to see me, just proceed to the “Fabulousness” below.

In addition, to being comfortable, the dress is SUPER Pretty. I felt glamorous wearing it. The empire waist was flattering and the pleating on the bottom skirt added a nice vintage appeal to the piece. The puff sleeves added to the Grecian feel of the dress, further enhancing overall aesthetic of the piece. Needless to say, I received many compliments, and many inquiries on where to buy it. For more of my thoughts on SHEIN, and why I love this dress. CLICK HERE.

For more style inspiration for Plus Sized Beauties, please subscribe to: Chunky Cutie Styles

You Win: Surrender and Success

Living in a posture of Surrender is a better way to live. In contrast, attempting to control the outcomes of situations beyond our control leaves you exhausted, mean and resentful. Webster defines surrender as: to agree to stop fighting, hiding, resisting, etc, because you know that you will not win or succeed: to give the control or use of something to someone else.

Culture has taught us to revere independence. Popular culture touts, “It’s your life do as you please.”  A song made popular by the Isley Brothers said, “It’s your thing do what you wanna do, I can’t tell you, who to sock it too.” However, this secular paradigm, is in stark contrast to living a righteous, and God Blessed life. Granted, I’m not saying, being self-sufficient is bad, but I am saying living apart from the will of God is totally Bad.

It is impossible to be a believer, and still want to remain in control of your life. Jesus taught, “whoever loves his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it again.” (See Mark 8:35) Yes, to be a believer is to give up control of your life. However, this does not remove your ability to make decisions. On the contrary it enhances your decision making and its outcomes. Surrender is placing total reliance in the plan and will of the Father. It’s a faith walk, a life of constantly saying, “Nevertheless, not my will, but your will be done.” I’m convinced, GOD Is ALWAYS Right! Let God be true!

I’m a Hot Head!

I’ve been told that I’m Hot headed at times. And, if I’m being totally honest, I agree. It’s just that I’m seriously passionate about who I love, and what I believe. 😊 Yet, sometimes my delivery can be a bit brash, not usually. But, occasionally, yes! 😊 When I’m convinced, I’m convinced.

However, as I’ve had to learn over the past year to everything there is a time and season. Circumstances and people change all the time and maintaining an inflexible stance when everything around you is changing and shifting is stagnating; it’s Destructive! Personally, God revealed my own pride. I believed I knew better than God. The Nerve, Right ?!?!  But how can the clay say to the Potter to do this or that? 

Now, daily I’m intentional about shifting my mindset from seeing surrender as a sign of defeat. Daily, I’m finding the beauty in living a life totally surrendered to the leading of Jesus Christ. Each day, I’m being graced with new strength to face daily challenges. Truly, in my life God is making a way for me, out of NO WAY! Thank you, Lord! 😊

Surrendering is Good

Growth requires risk. Likewise, surrender requires Trust. Trust in the power of a sovereign God who absolutely Loves you. He has an awesome dream for your life. His thoughts toward you are peace and prosperity. (See Jeremiah 29:11)

Truly, God delights in the way of the Righteous and his love and protection are upon those who acknowledge his name. Jeremiah the prophet said, “LORD, I know that people’s lives are not their own; it is not for them to direct their steps.”  I used to think that was a scary idea, to fathom that I’m not the master of my own life was crazy, but that’s because I was afraid of GOD.

 I used to view GOD as a mean dictator. But, now that I know him as a loving Father, I gladly yield my own ways to him. Just as Jesus did. Now, I’m all too happy and excited to fall to my knees, with my hands uplifted as I cry, “I Surrender All to you.” From the first moment of my surrendered encounter with God, until now, He hasn’t failed me yet, and he NEVER will!

7 Reasons Surrender is Beneficial

  1. It Alleviates the Burden of Worry- Detaching from the outcome of any situation liberates you. It decreases anxiety and increases your ability to handle unpredictability.
  2. It Cultivates an Attitude of Gratitude- The Lust of the eye is the Pride of Life. Instead of discontentment, you learn to develop an authentic appreciation for what you have, while maintaining a healthy desire to growth and attainment.
  3. It Builds Trust- You learn to trust in God’s best for you. It increases your faith; you start believing God really will supply all your Needs.
  4. It Brings you Peace- With anxiety gone, you will experience a peace which surpasses all understanding. God’s got you covered!
  5. It Creates Efficiency- No longer trying to control situations and circumstances that are beyond your control creates time to pursue other interests, and hobbies you may not have had the space to pursue before.
  6. It makes you Nicer- Let’s Face it, you’re no fun to be around when you’re always PRESSED! Surrendering, makes you peaceful, and joyful to be around.
  7. It Brings you Success- Surrendering to God’s plan leads to having good success. Why wouldn’t it, with God ordering your steps he will always lead you to victory.

Thanks for reading! Don’t forget to check out my Chunky Cutie Styles fashion review site.

Styles for The Plus Size Beauty

Fashion is the visible expression of an individuals character, passion, value and mood. Over the years, I struggled with acceptance of my appearance. Twenty years after childbirth, and I’ve never regained my pre-baby body. Oh Well! Body Positivity Baby!

After years of trial and error, I finally know myself, and my body! I’ve come to know what does and doesn’t work well for me. I felt compelled to help other Women discover their own “Stylespiration.” Out of a passion to help other Plus Size women, ChunkyCutieStyles was born.

If I had to describe my style, I’d say I’m Moderately Conservative. I’m Sassy, but Classy. 😊

Plus Size Gold Peplum by City Chic

ChunkyCutieStyles exists to recommend and assist Plus Size women in finding beautiful, modern, and trendy apparel and accessories without breaking the bank. Empowering women to be their best because you are Wonderfully made!

Plus Size Mock Neck Rib Knit Midi Dress

When it comes to my personal style, I desire to honor my faith in God. I wholeheartedly believe I don’t have to dishonor my body to look good. I believe everyone should be convinced in their own minds to follow their own convictions. I stand confidently in my own lane.

I can remember feeling frustrated going in and out of stores when I couldn’t find the items to create the looks I wanted to achieve. Sometimes, I think Plus Size women are not given great selections. The difficulties are further compounded for Christian women, who seek to be trendy yet conservative.

I’m glad to see the Retail Industry is becoming a lot more style inclusive. And I’m working diligently to seek to partner with brands that I believe my audience will also love and trust. I love you all, and we are in it to win it! Be Bold. Be Beautiful. Be You!

 Plus Velvet Maxi Dress

Follow me on IG @ChunkyCuteandChristian

Single Mom Life: More to Give

If I am being totally honest, Motherhood doesn’t always feel so rewarding. Often, it’s downright frustrating and exhausting! Sometimes, I wish there was someone who would just come and get these children. Then, 20-minutes later, I’d be telling them to bring them back.  It’s all a part of the Bi polarization of being a Mom. 😊

I am a Single mother of three Beautiful teenagers ages 19, 18, & 17 years old. I have two daughters and a Son. Recently, I was blessed with a bonus baby, he’s 17!  Collectively, they are referred to as NAKHIZI, which is a combination of their names. I needed a more efficient way of calling of them at the same time when they were younger. 😊

Today, Single Mother households are at an all-time high.  According to a press release from the US Census Bureau, Of the 11 million families with children under age 18, and no spouse present, the majority are single mothers (8.5 million).

As a single parent, at times I find that I am usually spreading myself thin. Most single mothers operate on a time deficit, usually having to shoulder all the pressures of the home, work and child rearing on their own. This constant time deficit often leads to fatigue, and disillusionment.

I work hard for my family. I get sad when I see how my children must deal with the consequences of my actions. However, I try very hard to shield them from as much harm as I possibly can, but the most effective lesson I have ever taught them has been the power of prayer, and the necessity of saying, “I’m sorry.” Granted, we’re still working on the latter principle. 😊

I can tell you that as their mom, I’ve always desired to give them the best. But I remember God telling me, that our lives didn’t consist of the abundance of things, but rather our lives depend on him and every word that proceeds out of his mouth. Furthermore, Jesus showed me the best thing I could do for my children would be to renew my own mind. If I was going to be a good mom, then I needed to be a Mentally Healthy, and Spiritually Mature mom. And, attaining both states have proven to be a daily, moment to moment task, an ongoing process.

We Need Revelation!

Contemporaneously, it is even more important that we equip ourselves with the spiritual weapons given to us by God to renew our minds.  There are many pressures affecting single parent homes today; including a rise in the cost of living, coupled with an even slower rise in wages, social media personas and peer pressure. These factors make having an intimate relationship with Christ even more of a necessity.  

Christ is a necessity in every family, and for every individual. However, I’m speaking from my own experience presently. As parents, we need discernment, but even more so we need the revelatory gifts of the Holy Spirit! We need to pursue prophecy. Scripture teaches, “Pursue Love and desire spiritual gifts, and above all that you may prophecy.” In my own life, and in my own home, I have experienced the difference the Prophetic has made in our lives. When used correctly, revelatory gifts serve to ground us in our present experience, it makes us more aware of God’s concern for our lives and circumstances. More importantly, it encourages and edifies us.

Equip Your Mind

However, I have not always enjoyed the privileges of having an intimate relationship with Christ. Although, this Grace was always available to me, I didn’t always reach out to receive it. I suffered from anxiety, inferiority, and self-doubt. I lived in a state of habitual sin and lived with a defeated mind full of strongholds. I was unable to hear and receive clear direction from God for my life, let alone for my children’s lives. Such a disservice! I lacked wisdom and understanding. I was broken, and unfulfilled. But that all began to change after my car accident in May 2018. Coincidentally, it was the best thing that happened to me at the time. I began to pray and ask for wisdom in understanding (See James 1:5). God, who gave me wisdom generously began to reveal aspects of my character and identity that were unaligned with his will.

Perhaps, the most significant moments of breakthrough came while scrolling through YouTube and stumbling upon the show, Dreams and Mysteries hosted by John Paul Jackson. In addition, I stumbled across Shawn Bolz, and Dr. Caroline Leaf. All these people were a blessing, and God used their teachings to help equip me. Someday, I’ll speak on all of them, but today I want to tell you about Dr. Caroline Leaf.

 Dr. Caroline Leaf is a communication pathologist and cognitive neuroscientist. Since the early 1980s she has researched the mind-brain connection, the nature of mental health, and the formation of memory. She was one of the first in her field to study how the brain can change (neuroplasticity) with directed mind input.  I was introduced to her when she appeared with Pastor Furtick for a series on Detoxing your Mind. For more information, click the link below.

From Dr. Leaf’s program, I learned an important and beautiful process of how to practically apply the holy scriptures to my life. Under the leading of the Holy Spirit, I embarked on a 21 Day Brain Detox using the biblical process laid out by Dr. Leaf’s research. It was truly, a God send. It was Transformational! I truly believe that it is our duty to cultivate the gifts God has placed within us. These gifts, Afterall were given for the edification and building up of others, and not just for ourselves. I wanted to be a better mother, because these children are not mine alone, they belong to GOD, Our Heavenly Father. I have a duty to teach them the way to return to the Father, from whom they originally came. In addition, it’s my duty to produce well balanced adults who will be high functioning, contributing members of society.

I felt compelled to share the process God led me on, for we overcome by the word and the power of our testimony. Perhaps, it will help other single mothers identify their calling and purposes in Christ. Perhaps, it will help any individual seeking clarity and purpose. This is my hope and prayer in faith.

So, yes, I’m a Single Mother. And it’s not the most glamorous job, but it is the most rewarding. My Children are GEMS, and at times I get on their nerves. Certainly, they put my nerves to work! 😊 But, after some cool down time and prayer, I realize I wouldn’t trade them for all the riches in the world. They’re mine! I am theirs. Through Christ I realize for NAKHIZI; I still have more to give to them, to the world. A lot More to Give!

If you are interested in embarking on the same 21-Day Brain Detox or for more information about Dr. Leaf’s amazing, and trans-formative research check out the link posted below.

Post contains paid affiliate links.

IDK, and It’s OK: The Necessity of Security

I hate suspense. And ambiguity is utterly annoying and uncomfortable.  I am the person who needs to know the ending of a movie before I watch it. I will read the last page of any book first. In addition, it’s difficult to surprise me, not impossible but difficult.  I find comfort in watching the same movie literally hundreds of times, sometimes even back to back. It never gets old to me. I’m the person who needs closure after every breakup, or I’d be obsessing over the details of the failed relationship. Suspense creates anxiety and tension within me. Unlike some people, I don’t find uncertainty entertaining.

As a single mother, often a struggling single mother I had become used to having the rug snatched from underneath me. Therefore, it seemed that from one moment to the next there always seemed to be some disappointment, some unfortunate mishap or surprise that always required my attention. There was always something requiring me to shift gears. Years of living from day to day not knowing what to expect created distress, depression and cognitive dissonance.  Consequently, I have developed a low tolerance for ambiguity.

However, I’ve come to discover, possessing such a low tolerance for uncertainty has led to me having a rather impulsive, and reactionary life. A life riddled with anxiety, and as some of you may know, an anxious life is not the type of life we were created to live. We are not meant to live in a constant state of worry. Our biology can’t sustain such maladies. On the contrary, we were created to have an abundant life. A life full of joy, creativity and wonder.  Anything less is of the evil one.

“The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it more abundantly.” John 10:10 NIV

As a Christian, I know that a doubleminded person will receive nothing from the Lord, because they are unstable in everything they do. Furthermore, doublemindedness is a state of unbelief, and unbelief is a sin, thus a barrier between the believer and the Savior. Cognitively, I knew all of this. Practically, however I didn’t know how to break free from it.

Understanding the Psychology of Uncertainty

As humans we need closure. We need security and safety. According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (see below), a study of human behavioral motivations, if our most basic needs are not met, then it we will struggle in progression toward meeting our highest goal of Self-actualization. People want firm answers, and hard evidence.  It’s me, I’m People.

A close up of text on a white background

Description automatically generated
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

In cultural psychology, Uncertainty avoidance deals with how well a nation or culture tolerates uncertainty. Technology developments, laws, and religion are all tools used by cultures and society to better cope with the unknown. The United States scores at 46 on the Uncertainty Avoidance Index, which is relatively low when compared to other countries.  This is evidenced in America’s “do whatever you want, find your own way’’ type of cultural mentality. Countries with higher scores tend to have stricter beliefs and customs. For More information Read this ( The fundamental question is can we really be prepared for the future? Or, do we just let it happen, and hope for the best.

While, having too much uncertainty overwhelms an individual, having a tolerance for uncertainty is a valuable life skill worthy of pursuit and cultivation. According to Michel Dugas, a Professor of Psychology at the University of Quebec, “The goal is to experience a bit of uncertainty and tolerate it even though it is uncomfortable.”

According to a 2014 study, there are benefits to uncertainty. Expert and author, Jamie Holmes states, “uncertainty improves our decisions, promotes empathy and boosts creativity.” Uncertainty can cause us to prepare for the future. It makes us plan; it forces us to consider the possibilities. However, it was never meant to make us afraid to face tomorrow. We may not know the specific details of the future, and what it will bring but we can be sure that it will all work for our good in the end. The key to being able to deal with uncertainty is contentment. It’s being able to accept the reality of what is and being hopeful of what will be. Yet, uncertainty can become so uncomfortable that some people prefer to know the outcome even if it is painful, rather than not knowing at all.

IDK (I don’t know) and That’s OK

One day after praying I opened my bible. It opened to Isaiah 43. At the top of the page, was a prayer I had scribbled in red ink which read, “Father open my eyes to see what you are doing in Jesus Name.” I knew the Holy Spirit was telling me that I had to change my perception, the way I viewed the unknown. My strong desire for predictability, was making it hard for me to just to sit back and Trust. I  had to be involved in the process. I MUST see it to believe it, and that is Anti-Faith.

Faith is the evidence of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen (See Hebrews 11).  And, there I was not even realizing I was telling God he needed to “Show me” his plans. It wasn’t enough that “He knew” the plans he had for me. If I’m being honest, I believed he needed to take my advice sometimes. Surely, I have good insight on what will work best for me, right? WRONG!

God sees the Big Picture. He see’s it ALL. All includes EVERYTHING, the good the bad and everything in between. He alone declares the end from the beginning and has said that his plans will be accomplished (See Isaiah 44). His plans for us are good! He wants to prosper us more than we really know (See Jeremiah 29).

 Sometimes we won’t be able to see all the specifics, but we can Rest in knowing God’s good plan for our lives has already been accomplished.  God has already worked everything out long before the problem or solution comes into fruition.  God completed everything he needed to accomplish in our lives, but it’s up to you and me to keep walking towards the promised land. It’s up to us to determine if we will trust him enough to enter his REST. He promised us he would make streams in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert. He promised us, he would be with us, and nothing would overtake us. His Promises are a Sure thing! I am CERTAIN of it.

ON the RIGHT TRACK! Grow On Girl!! Happy New Year, Happy New You!