Friday’s (Show Me My Worth)

For years, I worked in Risk Management, and conducted incident investigations (I loved it).  In Risk Analysis, the goal is to discover the Root Causes of faults, or problems.  Once the “root” is identified, then we establish the proper controls to either eliminate the hazard or mitigate the damages.

Well, when I found myself at my lowest point in life. I found it necessary to ask GOD to reveal to me the “Root Cause” of the issues in my Life. I’m a writer of Poetry, and this is the Prayer/Poem I wrote. I called it “Friday’s (Show Me My Worth). At the time, I hated Friday nights. Loneliness seemed to be at its LOUDEST on Fridays.  Not anymore, thankfully. 

Anyway, I’m dedicating this to anyone who may feel discouraged, overwhelmed or Lonely. God is with you. You are Loved.   More importantly, you are NOT alone.  Jesus Loves you, and I Love you too. I hope you enjoy.

Friday’s

I wish that I could say that

I’ve never been a fool for love

Never Been the type to be

Took advantaged of But,

That’s not my truth and I don’t feel the need to lie to you.

I wish that I could say that

I never act CRAZY,

All the time, Every Time I act like a Lady But,

That’s not my truth, I Know my truth. Now, so do you.

I wish that I could say that

I’ve made the Best decisions

Never said a word to cause any Division But,

No, I’m not perfect. Yes, I’m imperfect. Beautifully Broken.

I wish that I could say that

Every man I’ve ever loved

Always Loved me back But,

That’s not the truth, Truth is Never, Not one.

Never, no not one

Never, no not one

Was well enough to be the man I needed

My heart often conceded or maybe I’m just conceited

Lord, show me the Root Cause of my Hurt

My Heart, Oh God it hurts

Show me my worth Lord

Next time I’ll Seek you First

Friday’s the worst day, Friday my love went away

God, I need to know, show me the Root cause of my hurt

My heart, Lord it hurts

Show me my worth

I wish that I could say that

I’ve never been a fool for love

Never Been the type to be

Took advantaged of But,

That’s not my truth, I know my truth. Now, so do you.

LOYALTY It seems my greatest Strength was my greatest Weakness

LOVED him UNCONDITIONALLY.

I WAS Loyal to a Fault, when he was NEVER Loyal to Me.

I wish that I could say that

Every man I’ve ever loved

Was always Worthy, But

That’s not the truth,

He didn’t deserve it, they don’t deserve it, Heck No, he didn’t deserve it.

Lord, show me the Root Cause of my Hurt

My Heart, Oh God it hurts

Show me my worth Lord

Next time I’ll Seek you First

Friday’s the worst day, Friday’s a tough dy.

Friday my love went away.

God, I need to know, show me the Root cause of my hurt.

My heart, Lord it hurts

Show me my worth LORD.

Next time I’ll keep you first.

Unrestrained: Anxious, For What?

I’m a dreamer. Today, I take delight in this assertion. Admittedly, this was not always the case. I’m also an empathic, romantic idealist (which basically means I sometimes I prefer to see things the way they could be, rather than what is).

Trust me, this is not always as endearing as it sounds. I hated these labels because people often mistook me for being weak, naïve and emotional, as If being mindful of your emotions and the feelings of others somehow makes you incapable of being rational.

Nevertheless, today I take great pride in who I am, and in the person, I am becoming. I fully confident in Jesus, who is the author and finisher of my faith.

I Had a Dream….

Last week, I dreamt I was 9 months pregnant, and I was once again in a relationship with my Ex. I was so happy, then I began to go into labor. However, rather than go to the hospital, my ex began speaking into a microphone in front of a crowd.

As he spoke about another woman, I was embarrassed. I remember being astounded at his lack of empathy for how his words and actions were affecting me. I was hurt, and I no longer wanted to be in a relationship with him. Then, my contractions ceased, and my labor stopped. So, the dream ended with me being way past the due date, and unable to give birth to the baby I was carrying.

I knew the dream was a message from God for my life (Yes, God still speaks to people see Acts 2:17).  So, I asked him to give me an interpretation, and he did!

Restrained Affections

For me, 2019 has been a year of intensely seeking God’s will and plan for my life. While I was keenly focused on seeking the Kingdom of Heaven (see Matthew 6:33), I enjoyed:

  1. Increased peace
  2. Increased self-awareness
  3. An enhanced ability to hear from God

As the year progressed, several distractions began to surface. These external influences threatened to erase the growth I had attained and attempted to keep me from growing any further.

Some people are afraid to enter a relationship with Christ, because they are afraid of living a restrictive life. For many years, all people ever heard about the Christian life was what they “can’t do” where they “can’t go”, or “what they “can’t wear.” We tend to blame God for our unhappy situations. However, as the Apostle Paul expressed in 2 Corinthians 6:12, it is not the gospel which restrains us, but we are restrained by what we highly esteem and value. It is not that we should not aspire to accomplish goals, but we should be careful not to consider our own self-ambition over the plan and will of God.  We should always remember God’s primary plan is to prepare a Bride for his Son, Jesus. And, we our lives should be aligned to accomplish this mission, everything else is secondary.

The Message

In my dream, I was pregnant. The pregnancy was symbolic of the gift the Lord has paced within me, meant to be shared with the world. However, when I allowed my focus to be redirected to my ex, my labor ceased. My ex was on a stage and speaking into a microphone. This meant I had placed or was beginning to place a higher importance on my own desires. I was beginning to serve my own needs, rather than serving others. Therefore, the gift God placed in me was being hindered.

I am not going to let this happen to me or to you!  Below are four ways to live an unrestrained life:

  1. Know your own Limitations and put the proper boundaries in place.  When we are being tempted, we are being tempted by our own desires, not by God. (See James 1:14)
  • Be Anxious for Nothing, make your requests Known. Pray About Everything.  Be patient in hope. Waiting only increases the Joy you will experience when your desire is fulfilled.  (See Philippians 4:6)
  • Be mindful of the company you keep. Surround yourself with people who are honest and encouraging. Form the right alliances, can light have fellowship with darkness?  (See 2 Corinthians 6:14)
  • Serve God faithfully and with all your heart. God will give you your reward. You don’t have to strive to force things to work in your favor. (See Colossians 3:23-24).

 I love the new life and freedom I have found in Christ. Yet, there are times when I am reminded of my own shortcomings and desires.

I don’t always respond to every situation in the most Christ-like manner, and at times I still wince at an engagement video or wedding photo from time to time.  However, I believe the Lord was telling me not to allow myself to become too wrapped up in the things that I want to accomplish.

Perhaps, you too are waiting to receive the promises of God for your life. Or, maybe you need a resolution to a very difficult problem. Well, take heart God sees you, and he knows exactly what you need. Seek Be anxious for nothing and PRAY about everything. May God’s grace and peace be upon you, and I hope you all are empowered to DREAM BIG.