Single Mom Life: More to Give

If I am being totally honest, Motherhood doesn’t always feel so rewarding. Often, it’s downright frustrating and exhausting! Sometimes, I wish there was someone who would just come and get these children. Then, 20-minutes later, I’d be telling them to bring them back.  It’s all a part of the Bi polarization of being a Mom. 😊

I am a Single mother of three Beautiful teenagers ages 19, 18, & 17 years old. I have two daughters and a Son. Recently, I was blessed with a bonus baby, he’s 17!  Collectively, they are referred to as NAKHIZI, which is a combination of their names. I needed a more efficient way of calling of them at the same time when they were younger. 😊

Today, Single Mother households are at an all-time high.  According to a press release from the US Census Bureau, Of the 11 million families with children under age 18, and no spouse present, the majority are single mothers (8.5 million).

As a single parent, at times I find that I am usually spreading myself thin. Most single mothers operate on a time deficit, usually having to shoulder all the pressures of the home, work and child rearing on their own. This constant time deficit often leads to fatigue, and disillusionment.

I work hard for my family. I get sad when I see how my children must deal with the consequences of my actions. However, I try very hard to shield them from as much harm as I possibly can, but the most effective lesson I have ever taught them has been the power of prayer, and the necessity of saying, “I’m sorry.” Granted, we’re still working on the latter principle. 😊

I can tell you that as their mom, I’ve always desired to give them the best. But I remember God telling me, that our lives didn’t consist of the abundance of things, but rather our lives depend on him and every word that proceeds out of his mouth. Furthermore, Jesus showed me the best thing I could do for my children would be to renew my own mind. If I was going to be a good mom, then I needed to be a Mentally Healthy, and Spiritually Mature mom. And, attaining both states have proven to be a daily, moment to moment task, an ongoing process.

We Need Revelation!

Contemporaneously, it is even more important that we equip ourselves with the spiritual weapons given to us by God to renew our minds.  There are many pressures affecting single parent homes today; including a rise in the cost of living, coupled with an even slower rise in wages, social media personas and peer pressure. These factors make having an intimate relationship with Christ even more of a necessity.  

Christ is a necessity in every family, and for every individual. However, I’m speaking from my own experience presently. As parents, we need discernment, but even more so we need the revelatory gifts of the Holy Spirit! We need to pursue prophecy. Scripture teaches, “Pursue Love and desire spiritual gifts, and above all that you may prophecy.” In my own life, and in my own home, I have experienced the difference the Prophetic has made in our lives. When used correctly, revelatory gifts serve to ground us in our present experience, it makes us more aware of God’s concern for our lives and circumstances. More importantly, it encourages and edifies us.

Equip Your Mind

However, I have not always enjoyed the privileges of having an intimate relationship with Christ. Although, this Grace was always available to me, I didn’t always reach out to receive it. I suffered from anxiety, inferiority, and self-doubt. I lived in a state of habitual sin and lived with a defeated mind full of strongholds. I was unable to hear and receive clear direction from God for my life, let alone for my children’s lives. Such a disservice! I lacked wisdom and understanding. I was broken, and unfulfilled. But that all began to change after my car accident in May 2018. Coincidentally, it was the best thing that happened to me at the time. I began to pray and ask for wisdom in understanding (See James 1:5). God, who gave me wisdom generously began to reveal aspects of my character and identity that were unaligned with his will.

Perhaps, the most significant moments of breakthrough came while scrolling through YouTube and stumbling upon the show, Dreams and Mysteries hosted by John Paul Jackson. In addition, I stumbled across Shawn Bolz, and Dr. Caroline Leaf. All these people were a blessing, and God used their teachings to help equip me. Someday, I’ll speak on all of them, but today I want to tell you about Dr. Caroline Leaf.

 Dr. Caroline Leaf is a communication pathologist and cognitive neuroscientist. Since the early 1980s she has researched the mind-brain connection, the nature of mental health, and the formation of memory. She was one of the first in her field to study how the brain can change (neuroplasticity) with directed mind input.  I was introduced to her when she appeared with Pastor Furtick for a series on Detoxing your Mind. For more information, click the link below.

From Dr. Leaf’s program, I learned an important and beautiful process of how to practically apply the holy scriptures to my life. Under the leading of the Holy Spirit, I embarked on a 21 Day Brain Detox using the biblical process laid out by Dr. Leaf’s research. It was truly, a God send. It was Transformational! I truly believe that it is our duty to cultivate the gifts God has placed within us. These gifts, Afterall were given for the edification and building up of others, and not just for ourselves. I wanted to be a better mother, because these children are not mine alone, they belong to GOD, Our Heavenly Father. I have a duty to teach them the way to return to the Father, from whom they originally came. In addition, it’s my duty to produce well balanced adults who will be high functioning, contributing members of society.

I felt compelled to share the process God led me on, for we overcome by the word and the power of our testimony. Perhaps, it will help other single mothers identify their calling and purposes in Christ. Perhaps, it will help any individual seeking clarity and purpose. This is my hope and prayer in faith.

So, yes, I’m a Single Mother. And it’s not the most glamorous job, but it is the most rewarding. My Children are GEMS, and at times I get on their nerves. Certainly, they put my nerves to work! 😊 But, after some cool down time and prayer, I realize I wouldn’t trade them for all the riches in the world. They’re mine! I am theirs. Through Christ I realize for NAKHIZI; I still have more to give to them, to the world. A lot More to Give!

If you are interested in embarking on the same 21-Day Brain Detox or for more information about Dr. Leaf’s amazing, and trans-formative research check out the link posted below.

Post contains paid affiliate links.

Strengthening the Inner Man

I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his spirit. Ephesians 3:16

Our Spirits are the parts of ourselves capable of truly worshipping the Father. Jesus said to the Samaritan woman at the well, that the Father was seeking those who will worship him in Spirit and in truth. Scripture tells us that “A cheerful heart is like medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones” Proverbs 17:22. 

 A weak spirit leaves you vulnerable to the attacks of the enemy. If your spirit is weakened, you may be experiencing an unbearable feeling of grief, loneliness and despair. In addition, a wounded spirit causes you to be easily overwhelmed by challenges, wreaks havoc in relationships, and keeps you hostage to living with a victim mentality.  A weak spirit can be evidence of a deteriorated prayer life, and a lack of immersion in God’s word.

 God places more of a priority on your Spirit, than he does on your physical body.  Paul wrote to Timothy cautioning that while exercise was good for the body and useful, it is in living a Godly disciplined life that is even greater for it not only prepares you to live life in the now, but it prepares you for an eternal life with Christ. God wants you to be strong in spirit, and he has already equipped you with the mind of Jesus Christ. Now, you are accountable for cultivating the Spirit of Christ within you. 

Prayer: Father, in the name of Jesus, your word declares that a broken and remorseful heart you would never despise and turn away. I offer myself to you now Lord, please make me whole again. Strengthen me where I am weak, give me a hunger and thirst to drink more of you.  Speak to me clearly, that I may know and do your will for my life. Thank you for being my strength. Amen.

Now, take at least three minutes, consider at least two areas of your life where you may have been experiencing chaos, those things that may be out of alignment with the principles of God. Write them below, use only line. Then, write down how you feel God is be leading you to correct them. 

Unrestrained: Anxious, For What?

I’m a dreamer. Today, I take delight in this assertion. Admittedly, this was not always the case. I’m also an empathic, romantic idealist (which basically means I sometimes I prefer to see things the way they could be, rather than what is).

Trust me, this is not always as endearing as it sounds. I hated these labels because people often mistook me for being weak, naïve and emotional, as If being mindful of your emotions and the feelings of others somehow makes you incapable of being rational.

Nevertheless, today I take great pride in who I am, and in the person, I am becoming. I fully confident in Jesus, who is the author and finisher of my faith.

I Had a Dream….

Last week, I dreamt I was 9 months pregnant, and I was once again in a relationship with my Ex. I was so happy, then I began to go into labor. However, rather than go to the hospital, my ex began speaking into a microphone in front of a crowd.

As he spoke about another woman, I was embarrassed. I remember being astounded at his lack of empathy for how his words and actions were affecting me. I was hurt, and I no longer wanted to be in a relationship with him. Then, my contractions ceased, and my labor stopped. So, the dream ended with me being way past the due date, and unable to give birth to the baby I was carrying.

I knew the dream was a message from God for my life (Yes, God still speaks to people see Acts 2:17).  So, I asked him to give me an interpretation, and he did!

Restrained Affections

For me, 2019 has been a year of intensely seeking God’s will and plan for my life. While I was keenly focused on seeking the Kingdom of Heaven (see Matthew 6:33), I enjoyed:

  1. Increased peace
  2. Increased self-awareness
  3. An enhanced ability to hear from God

As the year progressed, several distractions began to surface. These external influences threatened to erase the growth I had attained and attempted to keep me from growing any further.

Some people are afraid to enter a relationship with Christ, because they are afraid of living a restrictive life. For many years, all people ever heard about the Christian life was what they “can’t do” where they “can’t go”, or “what they “can’t wear.” We tend to blame God for our unhappy situations. However, as the Apostle Paul expressed in 2 Corinthians 6:12, it is not the gospel which restrains us, but we are restrained by what we highly esteem and value. It is not that we should not aspire to accomplish goals, but we should be careful not to consider our own self-ambition over the plan and will of God.  We should always remember God’s primary plan is to prepare a Bride for his Son, Jesus. And, we our lives should be aligned to accomplish this mission, everything else is secondary.

The Message

In my dream, I was pregnant. The pregnancy was symbolic of the gift the Lord has paced within me, meant to be shared with the world. However, when I allowed my focus to be redirected to my ex, my labor ceased. My ex was on a stage and speaking into a microphone. This meant I had placed or was beginning to place a higher importance on my own desires. I was beginning to serve my own needs, rather than serving others. Therefore, the gift God placed in me was being hindered.

I am not going to let this happen to me or to you!  Below are four ways to live an unrestrained life:

  1. Know your own Limitations and put the proper boundaries in place.  When we are being tempted, we are being tempted by our own desires, not by God. (See James 1:14)
  • Be Anxious for Nothing, make your requests Known. Pray About Everything.  Be patient in hope. Waiting only increases the Joy you will experience when your desire is fulfilled.  (See Philippians 4:6)
  • Be mindful of the company you keep. Surround yourself with people who are honest and encouraging. Form the right alliances, can light have fellowship with darkness?  (See 2 Corinthians 6:14)
  • Serve God faithfully and with all your heart. God will give you your reward. You don’t have to strive to force things to work in your favor. (See Colossians 3:23-24).

 I love the new life and freedom I have found in Christ. Yet, there are times when I am reminded of my own shortcomings and desires.

I don’t always respond to every situation in the most Christ-like manner, and at times I still wince at an engagement video or wedding photo from time to time.  However, I believe the Lord was telling me not to allow myself to become too wrapped up in the things that I want to accomplish.

Perhaps, you too are waiting to receive the promises of God for your life. Or, maybe you need a resolution to a very difficult problem. Well, take heart God sees you, and he knows exactly what you need. Seek Be anxious for nothing and PRAY about everything. May God’s grace and peace be upon you, and I hope you all are empowered to DREAM BIG.